This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
