he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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