Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
