Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I wear drunk well.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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