He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
