I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
