I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My bed smells like the plague
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
