I can tuck mytits in my pants
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
