Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
