Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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