It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
