i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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