i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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