My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
