Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
