the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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