I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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