My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
