he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
