I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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