Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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