the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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