hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize