I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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