ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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