There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
