Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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