My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he thought i was a dude.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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