I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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