Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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