The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize