fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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