VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
