i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
