No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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