so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
