Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
