talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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