i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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