you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
