dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
