Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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