so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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