And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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