i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize