you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
