like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
