you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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