Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
