Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
