one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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