You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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