Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
