sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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