You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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