If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
