Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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