My girlfriend figured out who you are.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
