Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
