It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
