I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
