if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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