too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
