there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
