Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's blow job season.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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