My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
