I think i peed on brittanys purse
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
