I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
