why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
