i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
