Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
