Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
