I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
